Freedom of Movement

Since the national religion prohibits such Communistic repressions of the free market as "building houses," the nation has grown ever more efficient at protecting the taxpayer from the scourge of vagrancy. Beyond the routine persecution of Roma and travellers and suchlike dirty beasts, more than thirty thousand homeless families were subject to internal deportation last year, thereby cutting them off from jobs, relatives, schoolfriends and anything else that might encourage them to persist in their vagabond ways or to imagine that the hostile environment applies only to foreigns. The figure represents a significant increase on previous years, apparently owing to a certain coyness on the part of local councils in advertising their own virtuous conduct. Even so, thirteen authorities were prepared to admit punting some homeless people more than two hundred miles at a time; while over ninety percent of the more zealous councils confirmed that the process of removing non-whites has received particularly loving attention. Connoisseurs of British decency will no doubt rejoice.