Diplomatic Tact

A former British diplomat now working as head of public affairs at a former drug cartel has issued a standard non-apology for "any offence caused" by his implication that Global Britain might in some sense be less powerful than either the World Cop by the Grace of God or the Heathen Chinee. Although the offender's employer is Europe's largest bank, much of its profit is made in Asia, which doubtless goes far to explain both the Oriental cruelty of the original remark and the insidious cunning of its retraction. Fortuantely, the villains have been put in their moral place thanks to the British and American governments, both of which are noted for putting democratic principle before dastardly profit. According to the characteristically probing analysis of Britain's leading liberal newspaper, the Heathen Chinee have been on the receiving end of British displeasure because of their behaviour in Hong Kong, where democracy has been a major British concern since a few weeks before the colony was handed back to China in 1997. Similarly, the World Cop has become less friendly towards the Yellow Peril because of concerns over "competition for economic dominance, the future of Taiwan, and human rights abuses towards the Uyghur population of Xinjiang province," though doubtless not necessarily in that order.