Reliable as Ever

With characteristically unconstructive pessimism, unelected bureaucrats have warned that should His Majesty's Government persist with plans to subject a major pledge on climate action to the Team Starmer treatment, Britain's moral ascendancy over the lesser breeds may suffer adverse consequences. Since the Ministry for Wogs, Beads and Trinkets has denied any plans to renege on yet more of the country's international agreements, there is obviously every reason to believe that the Government intends reneging on yet more of the country's international agreements; and civil servants have suggested a variety of cheap dodges and petty swindles to ensure that the process reflects the values of Britain today. However, even this grudging acquiescence has been diluted with unpatriotic claims that wogs, woggettes and their innocent little woglings may no longer look up to the master race as their paternal superior. With their simple minds and short memories, they may all too quickly forget the straight shooter of Iraq and Afghanistan, the liberator of Libya, the saviour of Syria, the benefactor of Diego Garcia, the compassionate haven of refugees, and the most refined among that cultural élite which draws some sort of distinction between public service and profiteering, and even between rivers and sewers. Fortunately, Oliver Dowden said today in the House of Expenses Claimants that the UK is a reliable partner on climate; which should settle the matter once and for all.