Proud Maritime Traditions

Given the roaring fiscal success that attended both the Osbornomic poor-bashing spree and the war of independence against the beastly Euro-wogs, few except journalists will be surprised to find His Majesty's Government once again claiming to reduce the taxpayer's burden while in fact pursuing goals less crassly materialistic. The plan, if plan is the word I want, to pack asylum seekers onto prison hulks will save less than ten pounds a day per invader assuming any docks can be found, according to a couple of NGOs of the kind Team Starmer will probably want to ban. The horde-huggers also worry that those who suffered trauma from travelling on small boats may be further traumatised by being kept in limbo on a large boat; and they even suggest that the costs of confinement might better be spent on, of all things, employing people to process more claims. Adding to the British decency of the affair is the fact that the barge hired by the Ministry for Wog Disposal was used on at least three voyages by the Atlantic slave trade; the vessel's owners claim that the criminal swarms "will be provided with a quality, comfortable and safe place to stay" and "treated with care and dignity," although it remains as yet unclear whether the Minister for Richard Desmond and Child-Catcher fanboy Robert Jenrick has been consulted on the matter.