Animal Instinct

With more political nous than one would normally give him credit for, Fishy Rishi has begun emulating the victorious Team Starmer formula by reneging on the promises he made to ensure his selection as party leader. Legislation to ban live exports of farm animals and prevent dog theft has been dropped in case the Opposition forgets its place and starts playing political games with it. Since Fishy Rishi's party has only an eighty-seat majority in the House of Expenses Claimants, there is a distinct danger of inadvertently imposing animal cruelty restrictions that the Huntin', Shootin' and Fishin' comstituency would find morally abhorrent. Instead, an animal sentience committee is to be established next month, which will serve as a convenient generator of long grass for the issue to be kicked into; although it remains as yet unclear whether the committee's remit will include checking for signs of awareness among the jumping rats and shrieking baboons of the Conservative Party.