Britannia Unsullied

The national decency and fair play have once more attained their wonted depths with the deportation of several dozen sherpas and sepoys before they had a chance to undermine our values and lifestyle. Nepali and Indian soldiers, who had protected British embassy staff in Kabul while the glorious liberators incontinently made themselves scarce, managed somehow to sneak aboard an RAF flight which might otherwise have been doing something useful like evacuating another dogs' home. On reaching the mainland, more than a hundred of the invaders were detected with six-month visas, doubtless issued by the metropolitan élites infesting Britain's border control forces, and were summarily returned whence they had come. Even the Downing Street privilege of ignoring Covid restrictions was extended towards the swarming hordes, so eager was Her Majesty's Government to restore the national balance.