A Very Expensive Hat

Modernity and relevance are once again the Windsor watchwords as the Ruritanian rah-rah surrounding the Coronation is emojied forth in the shape of the Imperial Glitterhat. Officially named after Edward the Confessor, whose blood-feud with England's other pre-eminent thug helped precipitate the Norman Conquest and who had the misfortune to expire six hundred years too early for the first fitting, the Glitterhat was originally procured for the restoration of Charles II; but its use fell out of fashion after the undignified removal of his younger brother almost three decades later. Monarchs from Queen Anne to George V used either small crowns of their own or the State Crown of George I, which was subsequently plundered of its jewels to furnish an Imperial Subglitterhat for impressing the serfs on non-coronatory occasions. As one of Britain's less parsimonious monarchs, George IV had a pleonastic Coronation Crown made with some borrowed jewellery, but his Government sensibly refused to buy it outright and it was dismantled two years after the ceremony; while Queen Victoria and her son, Edward VII, decided not to use the Glitterhat because its excessive weight ran counter to their work ethic. Nevertheless, even when not being plonked upon a regal bonce the Glitterhat was granted a prominent place amid the pomp, from which it doubtless looked about as solemn as two and a quarter kilograms of stolen goods and conspicuous consumption possibly could.