Another Foreign Plant

As one would expect of an administration so deeply concerned with the removal of foreign invaders, the Government is prepared to wait a quarter of a millennium for the removal of a mortal threat to the woodlands of the master race. Introduced from Asia and widely planted by the Victorians, rather like wars in Afghanistan, rhododendron is an aggressive competitor for the few remaining hectares of world-beating temperate rainforest; and the Government has shown approximately the usual degree of interest in protecting the old and vulnerable against rapacious Victorian values. There is no obligation on landowners to clear rhododendron, and the Government has no plans to prevent the immigrant flaunting itself in garden centres and thereby insinuating itself into British homes. Althogh the Department for Extirpating Forests, Rivers and All does offer moral support to non-native species Local Action Groups, these are presumably too busy to bother taking back control of mere shrubs, being preoccupied at present with rounding up potential solutions for the labour shortage.