We've All Done It

At a time when many revered British traditions are being eroded by the forces of woke remoaner treason, patriots will rejoice to learn that the fine old sport of Paki-bashing is alive and well in the House of Donors. Baron Ranger of Mayfair, whose Hindu background was doubtless a considerable help in negotiating the British caste system, bought himself a peerage some time ago and has since spent a healthy amount of time and energy fostering what passes for goodwill in the Conservative Party, by verbally abusing younger women and racially insulting Pakistanis. "We are a very hard working community, we are not in prison as much as the Pakistani community, we do not do grooming of young girls, we do not do drug pedalling," Ranger burbled on India Today, in the course of defending the authoritarian god-botherer Narendra Modi against an unflattering depiction in a BBC documentary. Indian viewers will be spared the film's outrages, as Modi's government has considerately censored it; but his Lordship, evidently feeling that a further calming influence was required, dashed off a screed to the BBC asking whether the documentary was the work of a Pakistani conspiracy. When the complaints began to pile up and the Party enforcers were getting ready to thank him for being brought to their attention, Ranger drew himself up and, in the courageously principled spirit of the National Johnson, caved in. He issued a proclamation withdrawing his comments completely; it seems his words were merely an overreaction to his not seeing the British Pakistani community in the way his words implied. In the heat of the moment, with emotions running high, it is of course all too easy to state repeatedly, in speech and in writing, the diametric opposite of one's own true beliefs.