Not Peace, But a Sword

Rather than corrupt His chosen with comforts merely material, the new-born King has sent forth a pair of unctuous old hypocrites to lecture the world in righteousness. Speaking from the central balcony of a Renassiance palace of piety, the Pope urged less subtle souls to look beyond shallow glitter, even as the titular head of the world's biggest unbroken abuse ring invoked the faces of children longing for peace. Elsewhere, while making due obeisance to Baby Jesus and His family with no resources save the gold of the Magi and the protection of an omnipotent génocidaire, the Archbishop of Canterbury was careful also to praise the Old Queen, who took a churchly attitude to tax breaks and sex pests while lifting nearly as many fingers as the heavenly tyrant to relieve the suffering of those less well-connected. Both urged an end to the war in Ukraine; though despite the opportunity it would have afforded for ecumenical harmony with the Orthodox heresiarchs, neither was quite Christian enough to demand that Ukrainians turn the other cheek.