The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, December 26, 2022

Just Lying Around Doing Nothing

What would a Winter of Discontent be without a few unburied corpses? Mere experts have warned that cemeteries, like everything else in Britain except the Conservative Party and the Press, may soon be unfit for purpose. Several local authorities have run out of coffin-space, and the problem has been exacerbated by the hundred and seventy thousand expendables who recently fertilised the spiritual rebirth of Matt Hancock. The Victorian-era laws governing the disposal of corpses forbid the recycling of grave-space, presumably in order to prevent any embarrassing anatomical confusion when the dead are resurrected for Judgement; and successive governments have quailed at braving the likely fragrance of the media reaction to any attempt at an overhaul. Naturally there is a bright side, with funerals subject to a bereavement-bonus postcode lottery and local councils suffering yet further financial difficulties; but it seems that Hard Decisions™ may soon be necessary once more. Whether the Government will favour resurrecting the dead as working zombies, while the moderate and sensible opposition advocates forcing the poor to eat their late relatives, or vice versa, thus far remains to be seen.

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