Must Be One of Those Cultural Things

A mere six days after a suicide attack by a man with a history of online extremism, police have determined that the culprit, despite being a High Wycombe white and targeting a swarm of invaders, was in fact a terrorist. The Bravermanly-surnamed Andrew Leak apparently killed himself after petrol-bombing a wog disposal emporium, having found that making Islamophobic comments on social media did not sufficiently fire the patriotism of others. It remains as yet unclear what fair yet rigorous measures Britain's free, fearless and cantankerous media will be recommending as a first step towards solving the white far-right problem in High Wycombe; although in fairness the present case is complicated by Leak's having been white enough for there to be "strong indications that mental health was likely a factor."