Don't Get Hysterical, You Treasonous Mad Dogs

Few sounds are more reassuring in a time of crisis than that of the Government squealing about how serious it is. Suella Braverman, the Minister for Rabble Control, has been trying out that talent for calm and competence that manifested itself so convincingly during her stint as attorney general to Boris Johnson. Several Conservative backbenchers have been scolded by their constituents over the Government's decision to rip up the manifesto on which they were elected, and some of these MPs have made known their displeasure at the possibility of being prematurely kicked off the Westminster gravy train. Braverman responded by proclaiming the Conservative Party a one-party party, and also felt obliged, as is often the case when a government is serious, to state that the Government is serious. Most calmly and competently of all, she accused the complainers of staging a coup against the few thousand party members whose votes spontaneously outweighed the paltry millions who cast ballots against shale fracking and in favour of sunlit uplands. Of course, it is fairly common for ideologues, especially the bright ones, to become increasingly intolerant of dissent; so Braverman's statement may well be shrewder than it looks. By demonstrating that she does not know what a French loan-word means, she has shown once again that even someone of her wogness may aspire to the very highest echelons of the Global Britain party.