No Longer A Common Complaint

Mere weeks after the demise at ninety-six of Her late Madge Gawblesser, some rather expensive doctors have concluded astutely that she died of old age. If the inevitable mental fatigue and gastric upset from meeting Boris Johnson and Liz Truss within the space of a few hours had any aggravating effect, such factors have been tactfully omitted from the death certificate, doubtless in the nation's best interests. In fact, old age is a fairly frequent cause of death among people aged eighty or more, while among the nineties and centuries it is virtually an epidemic. Fortunately, as life expectancy continues to fall thanks to worsening healthcare, an increasingly hostile climate and ever larger percentages of raw sewage in the national diet, the disease seems likely to become steadily less prevalent, at least among the expendable classes.