Inching Towards Liberty

Patriotic Britons who imagined that a Brexit benefit had finally been found in the return of the Imperial measurement system may be in for yet further disappointment, as a survey on the subject by the Department for Profiteering, Pollution and Panic has been denounced for, of all things, bias. Mensuration consumers were asked to state their preference between Imperial measurements only or a combination of Imperial measurements and the system invented by bloodthirsty Euro-wog anti-monarchists and subsequently forced upon plucky little Britain by the Strasbrussels dictatorship with the collaboration of the socialist Edward Heath. No option was given for sticking to metric units alone, and those traitors and backsliders who would have chosen it are advised to write to the Government so that their names and addresses can be noted.