Dry Up and Carry On

Entrepreneurs of moisture provision continue concerned at the lack of water, which now seems unlikely to be mitigated until the next round of flooding; so the cartel has been in conference about how best to induce its captive market to compensate for the efficiency of private enterprise. Thanks to their plucky pragmatism and go-getting gumption, Britain's dampness distribution profiteers have been incentivised, enablified and indeed practically obligated to favour shareholder dividends and boardroom bonuses over Communistic fripperies like infrastructure. Figures released last month showed that the most efficient companies in this regard, as efficiency is reckoned these days, included Thames Water, Severn Trent Water and Yorkshire Water. Accordingly, few connoisseurs of Britishness will be surprised that the companies now considering how harshly to wag their greasy fingers at the little people include Yorkshire Water, Severn Trent Water and Thames Water.