Finally Facing Our Loo Water

Britain's new-found independence from the Strasbrussels yoke has predictably infuriated the beastly French, some of whom appear to believe that the English Channel has more than one undisputed owner. A conspiracy of unelected bureaucrats posing as elected representatives has blatantly requested the European Commission to seek political and legal measures with the explicit purpose of undermining Britain's world-beating water companies. Of course, even when subject to the Euro-wog Diktat plucky little Britain was never afraid to ditch the clean crap, as at least one little piccaninny might testify were she still alive. However, even now that Britain is free to impose ever stricter rules which somehow result in ever more laxative standards, unhelpful and ill-informed comments may yet serve to distract an incautious populace from the warm brown shades at the seaside and the interesting new flavours of their shellfish.