Britishness Unboxed

Fanatical forces of woke subversion are conspiring to undermine a long-gestating rah-rah for the creativity of a master race no longer boxed in by red tape, migrant hordes, international treaties or mere facts. Though Her Majesty's most patriotic Government anticipated that the festival would attract slightly more than the population of the United Kingdom, with two months to go visitors have yet to exceed the population of Islngton. The chief creative officer claims that he only assumed the mantle after ministers assured him that he would not be expected to produce anything jingoistic, much less Brexitannic; which must have been even more believable while Mad Tessie May was fulminating against citizens of nowhere than it is now. So corrupted has the event become that it has attracted ten avant-garde projects, all of which are explicitly against the eternal British values of freedom to bully and tolerance of intolerance. One of them even goes so far as to be French, prompting anonymous spokesbeings from the Department for Cultchah, Murdoch and That 1966 World Cup to complain that the whole business doesn't seem to know its place.