And Did Those Feet, in Ancient Time

Presumably owing to the continuing laxity of its abortion laws, the Christian state of Texas is experiencing a severe drought. Big-government restrictions on water use, imposed by the anti-Trumpster conspirators in Washington, have caused the Paluxy River to dry up almost entirely, exposing rocks which mere geologists implausibly claim are more than a hundred and thirteen million years old. Anticipating this insulting overestimate of His creation's longevity, God has imprinted the river bed with fake lizard tracks in order to test His gasping faithful. Scarcely less likely is the possibility that the tracks date from after the first six days, having been left by a fifteen-foot-tall, seven-ton chicken as it stomped the antediluvian mud in search of Noah's ark. Whatever the physical explanation for the footprints, it is probably safe to assume that their moral significance to the Christian state of Texas will include lower taxes, more guns and more coathangers.