In My Father's House Are Many Plantations

In an increasingly fragmented and divided world, it's encouraging to see a new unity emerging in Christian values. Originally set up with the Biblically-sanctioned purpose of protecting the institution of slavery, the USA's Southern Baptist Convention has been the subject of an independent investigation which found that almost four hundred leaders and volunteers have been publicly accused of sexual abuse, and that the abusers have been afforded a degree of protection eminently worthy of Mussolini's toy city-state for eunuchs and paedophiles. Despite the usual thoughts and prayers, at least one senior member remains "terrified" at the prospect of churches being obliged to "do this or do that to protect children or women." Fortunately, this ecumenical stance on sexual propriety is unlikely to erode the Convention's own individuality, as it has preserved its original mission to the extent of throwing the Deity's weight behind the Trumpster and his hydrophobic head-tribble, causing several pastors from the race of Ham to finally take the hint.