But the Wise Took Oil

True to the spirit of humility, the Church of England leads its communicants from behind: having pledged to divest from companies not aligned with the pathetically faith-based Paris agreement, it continues to abstain from the worldly pride of climate-based puritanism. Presumably the weightiest theological reasons are involved, but even some of the Church's own dupes are beginning to show signs of impatience. With the support of their bishop, Christians in the diocese of Oxford have elected to ignore their Saviour's explicit promise that a new Heaven and a new Earth await them once the rest of us have been burned. Infants having their heads washed in the name of the divine génocidaire and His faithful offspring are to be ceremonially ordered to safeguard the integrity of creation, subject no doubt to the usual Christian safeguards of fiscal self-preservation and sectarian hatred.