It Doesn't Just Flutter in the Breeze

Your stoical Britannic
May loosen bowels in panic
When decent folk must rush to save themselves:
In plague and isolation,
We've seen phlegmatic Nation
Flush toilet paper clean from all the shelves.

Now patriots are hunting
For flag-emblazoned bunting
To jubilate the Seventieth Year:
They seek red, white and blue stuff,
Absorbent, and not too rough
To utilise when polishing the rear.

Patty Numlump OBE