By Consent

As with recent attempts to appoint the controversial contrarian and blithering gammoniac Paul Dacre head of the national media regulator, Her Majesty's Government is having some small difficulty with the coronation process for the next leader of the National Crime Agency. Two qualified applicants have been summarily rejected and invited to re-apply, apparently because the National Crime Johnson favours a third candidate who coincidentally happens to favour the National Johnson. One of the rejected applicants is Neil Basu, who is half Bengali and half Welsh; as might be expected of one so genetically susceptible to contamination by critical race theory, Basu is far from congratulating himself on living in a nation innocent of systemic racism, and is even now threatening the Ministry for Wog Control with vexatious demands for explanation. It remains as yet unclear whether he is to receive the inevitable brush-off in London, or back home in Rwanda.