This Little Piggy Went to Market

Among the blessings of taking back control and paunching above our weight is, of course, that when things go a bit Michael Gove everyone else is still to blame. If it isn't the beastly Russians acting like Britain's favourite allies, it's the beastly Nazis in Strasbrussels who perversely refuse to level the playing field and continue to behave as if membership or non-membership of a trading bloc made some sort of difference to trade. Since the British Neoliberal Party's instinct is always to deregulate except where it might convenience the little people, Her Majesty's Government is now minded, if mind is the word I want, to dispense with border checks on food and livestock. Mere experts are already carping about the risk of African swine fever, as if the master race had not spent the past two years showing Johnny Covid what's what through sheer force of Britishness. As with the Heathen Chinee virus, the inferior foreign pedigree of the wog hog fever will undoubtedly prove its undoing against the ham-fists and pork-barrels of Her Majesty's grunters and squealers.