The Cataract of the Mind's Eye

Now that the human species is more less saturated, it appears that mobile phone consciousness has begun to percolate into more innocent apes than Homo sapiens ipsedixit. Thanks to hours of exposure to visitors' photos and videos, the attention span of a young gorilla at Chicago's Lincoln Park zoo is showing signs of infiltration. So clogged has his brain become with the pervasive intellectual microplastic that even an invitation to a hormonal exercise with one of his less technologically-inclined room-mates apparently went unnoticed. Staff are now worried that the problem may spread to the other gorillas, and have roped off the enclosure and tried to explain the problem to visitors. It is to be hoped that their efforts do not suffer from a tactless intervention by the director of the Lester E Fisher Centre for the Study and Conservation of Apes, who dismissed the pixellated culture of his fellow hominids as "more of a quantity issue than a quality issue."