Wets and Wreckers

Even as Global Britain stands staunch and ready to repel the Ukrainian hordes which even now are menacing the gaps in our fruit-picking market, it appears that the most eminent echelons of Whitehall have been infiltrated by the black cancer of experts. The select committee on defence is expected to indulge pessimists and rumour-mongers with regard to the Royal Navy's mission to sweep the beastly migrants from the English Channel. Designated Operation Isotrope ("having properties which are equivalent in all directions") in tribute to the efficiency of Downing Street's command structure, the exercise has been greeted with a distinct lack of rah-rah considering its migrant-bashing potential. A former naval officer worried about the reputational damage involved in pulling into port with a brig full of filthy refugees, while the committee's Labour chair even went so far as to call the policy PR-driven before accusing Her Majesty's Government of not being PR-driven enough. Fortunately a spokesbeing was on hand to confirm that, presumably in accordance with Tumbledown Tessie's matronly philosophy that those who create a mess should be the ones to clear it up, refugees are a military problem.