Good News is Where You Find It

Just as poverty can be fought by redefining who is poor, and pandemics can be countered by refusing to test for the disease, so the Met Office has solved the climate crisis in true Age of Infotainment fashion, by changing the definition of a heatwave. In order for a spell of hot weather to qualify as a heatwave, the temperature has to reach a certain level three days in a row; since temperatures are inexorably rising and nothing will be done to stop them, the Met Office has decided to raise the threshold so that it won't look as if there is too much to worry about. It remains as yet unclear whether the Met Office has sufficient pluck and gumption to follow through with this useful principle; whether by measuring greenhouse gases in the atmosphere by parts per more than a million, or by flexibilitising the definition of dry land to include limited and specific areas that may happen to be submerged.