Beets Beat Bees

Having liberated Britain from the beastly Euro-wogs in order to ensure our freedom to adopt more stringent environmental protections, Her Majesty's Government has now intervened decisively to keep up the nation's world-beating sugar intake. A disease of sugar beet, spread by some relatives of Michael Gove, is predicted to reach very high levels this year. One need only look at the National Johnson's cabinet to see how far human beings are prioritised over vegetables, and herd immunity was understandably not considered adequate protection for the beets. Once more disregarding the fifth-column pessimism of mere scientists, Her Majesty's Government has authorised an emergency exemption to the ban on the insecticide thiamethoxam, which pollutes rivers and flowering plants, and causes damage to bees and other insects. Fortunately, the impact on significant life forms is likely to be minimal, as the vegetation in the National Johnson's cabinet tends not to be the flowering kind.