Megafraud and Metafraud

Unelected bureaucrats and pettifogging pedants have once more attempted to deflate the rampant rah-rah of Her Majesty's Government with mere fact-based pessimism. The UK Statistics Authority came yet another step closer to privatisation with the announcement of a reprimand to the National Johnson and the Minister for Wog Control, who have been boasting that crime in England and Wales fell by fourteen per cent between June 2019 and September 2021. Surprisingly enough, this figure was not merely plucked from thin air or a fat arse, but was reached by the relatively sophisticated means of ignoring the two fastest-growing varieties of misdemeanour. As the pandemic has made physical theft more difficult, fraud and computer misuse have expanded; and when they are taken into account, crime in fact increased by fourteen per cent in 2019-2021, although the UK Statistics Authority tactfully refrained from specifying how much of that expansion took place outside Her Majesty's Government.