Blinded with Science

Unelected experts and mere scientists are once more conspiring to further the disruption of the greatest economy in the world. With hardly a patriotic effusion between them, biological do-gooders have demanded that Her Majesty's Government produce, of all things, the science behind its decision to lift all pandemic restrictions later this month. One epidemiologist, from the provincial university of Edinburgh, admitted that the next variant of the virus could be either more or less pathogenic than previous variants, but nevertheless saw this as an pretext for pessimism rather than a reason for rah-rah, thereby epitomising everything that is wrong with the north of England. A virologist even claimed that the variants do not evolve in alphabetical order, but conveniently omitted all mention of scientists' failure to use a less Greek alphabet. Others confined themselves to ignoring the lessons of the past two years and urging upon Her Majesty's Government the alien and bigoted policy of planning and consistency, which has been so decisively rejected by the will of the people at every conceivable level. As one would expect of a foreigner with a funny name, the special envoy for the World Health Organisation was so blinkered by ideological fanaticism that he freely admitted failing to see an upside to a gamble that might enable Her Majesty's Government to appease its own party and thereby remain in gainful office until the nation's divisions can be healed by the soothing balm of war.