Union Undermined

Patriotism and heritage are all very well in the right hands, but both can have unfortunate consequences unless properly controlled by the master race. A county council in Wales has defied centuries of tradition by designating St David's Day a bank holiday, to the ineffable ruination of whatever business interests still continue to survive the sunlit uplands of British independence. All sorts of people the English don't care about - social workers, refuse collectors, librarians and cleaners - will receive a paid holiday, although the least admired group of all - teachers - will not, because their conditions are negotiated (imposed, in Oldspeak) from a higher level. Bank holidays are themselves the responsibility of the gormless Sycophant of State for Business, Kwasi Kwarteng, last seen ordering Parliament's independent regulator to step down for being independent. Nevertheless, the leader of the offending council accused Her Majesty's Government of seeing Wales as the Empire's last colony, which is of course far from true. Although the military mugging and ethnic infiltration of Wales by Edward Longshanks was arguably England's first imperial conquest, for administrative purposes Wales has for seven centuries been considered part of England, like the Lake District, with some pleasant holiday scenery and a few pestiferous natives; hence the lack of dragons on the Union Jack. It remains as yet unclear whether the National Johnson intends sending a few stormtroopers to toddle across Offa's Dyke and restore the Queen's peace.