Rishi Waits it Out

It's fortunate that the Chancellor is too busy having the cutlery polished for his long-awaited stab in the National Johnson's rear; for otherwise certain of the deserving poor might well be under threat of being treated like the idle plebs. Since nothing urgent remains to be done about the environment, fossil fuel companies have paid out hundreds of millions in shareholder dividends over the past decade, and in the last year profits have risen as wholesale costs are absorbed by the ever-obliging British taxpayer. Little Rishi is understood to be thinking about the possibility of potentialising the prospect of considering the idea that somebody ought to do something about it, even though the prospect undoubtedly violates his laissez-faire principles. If the plebs choose to sit shivering in their homes rather than marry some real money, then it is hardly the Government's business to interfere. Nevertheless, other countries have taken measures to relieve the situation, and even a few profiteers are starting to worry about the prospect of customers dying off in quantities large enough to prove inconvenient, especially if gas prices continue rising even after the forthcoming conquest of Russia.