Beginnings of Britishness

Despite the likelihood that Great Britain's original inhabitants were beastly dark-skinned Euro-wogs, researchers in the Cotswolds have unearthed encouraging evidence of cultural continuity. Analysis of DNA from the remains of thirty-five individuals buried in a neolithic tomb has shown that they were closely related, and that most were descended from four women who had children with one man. Such Johnsonian levels of gross national product are no less inspiring than the apparent fact that nepotism was as much a feature of British society in the fourth millennium BCE as it is now. As one would expect, the remains of contemporary lesser breeds in Ireland demonstrate no such advancement in family values; and patriotic hearts will be warmed by the idea that the élites who eventually ordered the construction of Stonehenge were just as corrupt, incestuous and exclusionary as the ones who now want to build a road through it.