Arms and the Man

Whatever the machinations of the Nazi-Soviet dictatorship in Strasbrussels, and despite the incessant treachery of the perfidious French, occasionally a story emerges which must give even the most patriotic Brexiteer a sliver of hope for the Euro-wogs. A man in the Piedmontese town of Biella (where, perhaps not coincidentally, the mayor is a member of the far-right Northern League) has attempted to thwart whatever devilish conspiracies are currently afoot by turning up to his vaccination appointment wearing a prosthetic arm. With fiendish subtlety, the health worker observed the lack of veins and foiled the cunning plan by getting him to uncover more; since the health worker was female, the gentleman responded with near-Johnsonian wit, "Would you have imagined that I’d have such a physique?" Although our hero has not been named, there is a social media post inquiring about the effectiveness in turning aside the needle of oppression of torso-faking body suits (available on Amazon for £416), perhaps with the aid of extra clothes beneath. Such pluck and ingenuity, especially when spiced with the piquant assumption that trained health workers would be considerate enough to share his ignorance, must surely entitle this glorious failure to the privilege of Britishness in at least an honorary degree.