A Bestial Atrocity

Long known for its dedication to cool reason and rhetorical restraint, the Democratic Unionist Party of Northern Ireland has found yet another reason for its customary posture of towering indignation. The president of those beastly Euro-wogs who have been causing all the trouble on the other side of the border has declined to join the Queen at a god-bother and rah-rah for the centenary of partition, perhaps not least because those who invited him couldn't be bothered to address him by his correct title. As the DUP's towering indignation indignantly towered into accusations of snubbing Her Madge Gawblesser and failing to recognise the existence of the British Empire, the treacherous Fenian responded with infuriating calm that he has been in Northern Ireland a number of times, while his DUP critics have been reluctant to return the gesture. Meanwhile, the Irish government has gleefully added to the confusion by promising to consider any invitation to a representative of its own; although it is as yet unclear whether any servant of the Union can be aware of the Irish government's address and still remain unpurged.