All Porkered Out

Despite Global Britain's glorious expulsion of job-stealing Euro-wogs, there still seem to be a few teething troubles about inducing hard-working natives to rush and fill the vacancies. A genuine dilemma exists in certain cases, as between the unpalatable choices of allowing pigs to be culled and left uneaten as though they were foxes or badgers, or else allowing adherents of the Fifty-Two Per Cent to handle sharp implements and drive heavy-goods vehicles. Farmers are already predicting shortages and rising prices for the plebs, apparently in the belief that the Johnson administration would regard such things as undesirable, let alone take action to avoid them. Nevertheless, a looming national shortage of gammon may yet help to motivate the finding of an expedient, such as a kind of short-term release scheme whereby foreigns confined to the rest of the world can enter Global Britain for a season and see what they are missing.