Blooming Treachery

Some rather conciliatory remarks by Ireland's deputy prime minister have brought forth a squeal of indignation from Her Most Britannic Majesty's Minister for Orangemen. Leo Varadkar, an English-speaking Euro-wog whose country remained treasonously neutral when Britain stood alone on the shoulders of the lesser breeds, told his party conference that a united Ireland might be worth aspiring to and should be done as tactfully as possible. Brandon Lewis, whose government likes to compare its biggest trading partners to the Nazis and whose party is famous for its rhetorical restraint at conferences, proclaimed Varadkar's comments unhelpful and ill-advised. While patriots in Ulster erupted into the usual moral indignation, Lewis ordered both the colony and the enemy to provide a bit of hush while Her Majesty's Government works out how best to go back on its treaty obligations towards either or both.