Bad Theology

Text for today: Acts of the Apostles 5 i-xi

As the cult of Jesus spreads, the believers share their goods in common, and those who own property sell it and give the proceeds to the apostles. A man and his wife keep back part of the profits from a sale, and are punished with instant death when Peter disapproves. In accordance with the spirit of the new covenant, the result is that a great fear spreads throughout the church.

Concerning personal assets, the Saviour commanded that they should be sold and the proceeds given to the poor, while the elect should live as wandering beggars, preaching the gospel and performing conjuring tricks. Following the crucifixion, these rules have been prudently updated and clarified, with the proceeds of pious sales now being laid at the apostles' feet and utilised to motivate the faithful. Doubtless the same prudence explains the similarly minor adjustment to the church's complaints procedure, whereby the Saviour's command to pardon seventy-seven infractions has been jettisoned in favour of summary execution. With His usual sledgehammer subtlety, God rams the lesson home by conferring the inquisitorial office upon Peter, the very same disciple who asked how many times a straying cultist should be forgiven.