Passport Blues

People who are very nearly British are being compelled to become foreign thanks to the indiscriminate racial policy of the Dublin separatists. While Her Majesty's Government has always striven to keep Britishness a privilege that must be earned with patriotic zeal, or else purchased with appropriately targeted consideration, the attitude of the traitor Republic towards those seeking entry is promiscuously lax. Such easy virtue is anathema to the strait-sphinctered Protestants of the Democratic Unionist Party, one of whose elders has been told he has to apply for British citizenship despite having spent his life in Northern Ireland. With the regrettable dearth of political subtlety so typical of the colonial mindset, Britannia's offended suitor complained that present Imperial policy "goes against the grain" of the Good Friday agreement, which the Conservative and Unionist Party blithely abrogated simply ages ago in the interests of conserving party unity. It is remarkable that the privilege of citizenship should be taken so much for granted by someone with so crude and rudimentary a grasp of the British language.