Which Way is Up?

Connoisseurs of mathematical Britishness will recall the famous attempt by the jabbering homunculus Michael Gove to declare the children of the master race above the law of averages. A recent survey of the pandemic's effect on social inequality has brought forth an entrepreneurial innovation which is arguably even pluckier, and demonstrates that the Symonds-Stratton administration of the National Haystack is by no means resistant to what fellow journalists are pleased to call Gove's "intellectual heft." As one would expect given the Conservative idea of redistribution, the survey's better-off respondents reported feeling better off and the worse-off gave vent to the usual materialistic grumbles; to which a spokesbeing responded that Her Majesty's Government is "committed to levelling up outcomes for every individual, across the country," from the tax-dodging squillionaire to the nurse at the food bank. Since elevating them all to the same height would amount to nothing less than Stakhanovite antisemitism, we may doubtless assume that some elevations will be more on the level than others.