Milked Spillage

Beastly Euro-wog shysters have handed down a vexatious verdict against that great British company, Royal Dutch Shell, ordering its Nigerian subsidy to compensate the local lesser breeds for the pollution caused by major oil spills a decade and a half ago. Although any sensible statute of limitations would have seen the spills relegated to the same cobwebby corners of our island story as the slave trade, a Dutch court rejected Shell's claims of sabotage on grounds of, if you please, insufficient evidence, and ordered compensation to be paid. The unelected enemies of the people even had the effrontery to decree that Shell must install detection systems on its sites rather than relying, as from immemorial tradition, upon the mutual trust and goodwill of the natives and their corporate benefactor. It remains as yet unclear how many tax-sheltered livelihoods will be devastated, how many suits will be forced onto the streets, and how far boardroom bonuses will be diminished.