The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, January 30, 2021

Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

It is the infallible Mark of true Leaderſhip, beſides the very Brand of indubitable Nobility, that a Man ſhould have Cognizance of the proper Words to uſe, when Calamity ſhould ſtrike and rayſe the Horrid Spectre of Panick and Diſorder among the Herd. Thus it was that our great Monarch Henry the Fift, upon the Field of Agincourt, inſpired his Serfs and Squires by ordering the Maſsacre of ſurrendered beaſtlie French; thus it was that the great Engliſhman, Sir William the Conqueror, pacified the northern Peaſantry with Fire and Sword, until the whole Land lay quiet beneath the fragrant Mattreſs of Peace ſtuffed with the ſoft feathery Down of Law and Order. Our own dear Leader hath ſhown himſelf worthie of ſuch exalted hiſtorick Company, with a new Epiſtle to thoſe Parents, who have patiently borne the Privations of the Woo Han Peſtilence, ſuch as being ſubjected to the Temptations of Idleneſs, or ſuffering the rank Inconvenience of being unable to find a Nurſing-wench with appropriately ſized Fixtures. Some few millions of Parents there are, it is true, who have moſt baſely uſed the Plague and the burying of their demiſed exceſsive Off-ſpring, for a flimſy tranſparent Excuſe to ſhirk the ſeeking of honeſt Labour; but it is yet a further Mark of Nobility, that the Leader of our glorious Realm ſhould obſerve and praiſe the native Virtues, before ſeeking Remedy for the Vices. I cannot help but think, that this Miſsive ſhall be judged by Hiſtory as a Turning-point in the Fortunes of this Adminiſtration, and I have moſt profitably occupied the Forenoon in compoſing a draft Epiſtle to the Migrants, which I truſt will improve Morale among the ſwarming Hordes and encourage due Deſiſting from their preſent barbarous Behaviour, by means of official Circulation among the Priſons with all Rights reſerved.

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