Green and Pleasant Landfill

Despite appearances, not all of the superannuated toxic waste in England and Wales is claiming expenses at the Houses of Parliament, or even pursuing a career in pseudo-journalism. The Brexitannic mainland contains some twenty-one thousand old landfills, of which about thirteen hundred are categorised as containing hazardous material. Mere experts have calculated that, although a mere seventy-five toxic waste dumps are located under housing (doubtless tending towards the affordable end of the scale) and only thirty-six under parks or playing fields, nearly eight hundred are leaking merrily away within half a kilometre of bodies of water. In accordance with Britishness, some of the older landfills were created in the good old days before red tape and regulation, so nobody knows what's in them; while years of efficiency savings have made local councils and the Environment Agency too efficient to bother finding out.