Death Spike

Long in decline, Britain's hedgehog population has moved several steps closer to final extinction with the announcement that the brilliant Chris Graybeing has taken personal charge of its protection. Apparently in an effort to distract simple-minded journalists from the Government's continuing lack of interest in keeping the planet habitable, Graybeing went all of a tizzy about the nation's callousness towards its favourite animal. "We worry about whether we are going to damage the habitats of badgers and bats," he blathered, consigning to casual oblivion years of blithe Conservative badger-gassing; although admittedly a sincere concern for spiny creatures is expectable enough in the natural party of the prick. Nor is Graybeing's concern for hedgehogs a mere momentary whim, for among his more significant achievements as Minister for Trucking was a road sign warning drivers of the animals' presence. In a typically Graybeing touch, only four local authorities applied to use the sign, and all four were denied permission.