The Father of Teeth

Text for today: Enamel lxxxix-ciii

Some time earlier, however, while in considerably reduced circumstances, the Father of Teeth hitched a ride on a spermatozoön which was going places fast. He dug his knees into its bulbous head, so as to avoid being thrown off by the furious flailing of its flagellum; and once securely seated he inquired politely as to their destination.

"Up the tunnel and into the ovum, that's where," panted the spermatozoön. "That's as far as I go, and when we're there you'll have to get off. Remember my name, for it is Bert and I bear half of an important message."
"A message for whom?" asked the Father of Teeth.
"For the ovum, of course," panted Bert the spermatozoön. "She's got the other half, and when we put the halves together, the secret of life will be gloriously revealed to us both."
"What about all these others?" asked the Father of Teeth, for they were surrounded on all sides by crowds of swimming spermatozoa, all making their way up the tunnel in the most motivated way imaginable.
"Healthy competition," panted Bert the spermatozoön. "We all bear the same half of the same message, in order to ensure that someone gets through."
"And of course you're all sure that the ovum will be waiting?"
"Of course we're not sure," panted Bert the spermatozoön. "If there was always an ovum waiting, there would be no need for faith and no virtue in our effort, and all those others would stop swimming and my chances of a breakthrough would be greatly reduced."

At that very moment the tunnel went dark, except for a sign up ahead which spelled out the words EMISSION ACCOMPLISHED in shocking luminous pink. Groans and sighs were heard on all sides, and Bert swam up to the spermatozoa ahead and asked them if they knew what had happened.

"It's Barry, that bastard," said one. "Hundreds of us reached the ovum ahead of him, all pounding and yelling to be let in and not so much as a twitch or a twinge, but then up he comes and in he goes. I don't know what she saw in him."
"So what happens now?" asked Bert.
"Assuming that the sign is correct and an ovum really has been penetrated," said the Father of Teeth, "the two halves of the message will come together as a zygote and commence a process of division, while making their way along the tunnel to a location where they can continue to divide and eventually develop into a body of highly specialised yet mutually co-operative crews. If they manage to survive more than a few months without undergoing arbitrary and fatal expulsion, the resulting collective will be pushed into the universe where - assuming nobody kills it for being the wrong gender or belonging to the wrong family or being in the wrong place at the wrong time or because the Creator has one of His little whims - it may linger long enough to begin the whole business on its own account."
"Well, it's good to have a purpose in life," said Bert. "But if that's what the message was, I don't feel so bad that Barry was the one who got it through."
"Me neither," said the other spermatozoön. "I never did like him, the bastard."