They Still Can't Keep Their Minds Off It

Having successfully blinked away the mote of child abuse, the Church of England is once more braced to tackle the beam in the eye of consensual homosexuality. This latest joyous plunge into yet another heavenly erotic episode has been precipitated by the gay-baiters, who have resurrected their eternal threat to gather up their skirts, flounce away and deprive the doddering church of their loving kindness and spiritual guidance should it fail to keep the perverts in their place. The archbishop of Canterbury responded with the moral backbone appropriate to his position, asserting that there are fine people on both sides and that the issues are much more complicated than certain simple-minded binary thinkers are making out. Undoubtedly, simple-minded binaries are the last thing anyone would hope to see in the church of sheep and goats, salvation and sin, heaven and hell, orthodox and heretic, and tithe-gatherer and Pharisee.