The Like That Dare Not Speak Its Name

Consternation is loosed upon the Vatican because of a casual encounter between the papal Instagram account and the immodest image of a Brazilian model. This electronic indiscretion has caused the Mussolini-sponsored monastery state, which also happens to be the rampant, throbbing centre of the world's largest official rape and paedophilia protection racket, some small degree of embarrassment. The lady in the case has reportedly been led into serious doctrinal error, pronouncing her own salvation and thereby blaspheming against the male prerogative on spiritual matters. As God's representative on earth, the Pope himself naturally bears no responsibility for what is clicked in his name: "The pope is not like Donald Trump, he’s not sitting around using his phone or computer to tweet all day long," sniffed the editor of La Croix, exemplifying that famous charity which vaunteth not itself and seeketh not her own; "So he would have nothing to do with this - it’s the communications department, and how this happens … who knows." The faithful will rejoice to know that it was not the Pope but one of his fallible servants who managed to imply that somebody at the Vatican may be afflicted with a perverted predilection for grown-up human females.