Keep Smiling Through

Plucky plebs and pious peasants throughout the land will offer their humble thanks to the Minister for Profitable Incarceration after his admirably straightforward remarks on just who is to blame for any problems with the Government's too-latest lockdown. As a minister in an administration which considers itself above the law and which employs those brilliant Serco people to manage what passes for its test and trace programme, Robert Buckland brought all the force of character one would expect to his denunciation of the British public and its chronic inability to follow the rules. We cannot all be moral and physical Übermenschen like the Supreme Leader of our Nation, Dominic Cummings, but the little people should at least be trying.

Buckland burbled that "the majority of people do brilliantly, but we have to deal with that tiny minority who do not wish to support other people," but it remains as yet unclear whether this was a covert assault on his hated rivals in the Cabinet or a momentary lapse into veracity, perhaps resulting from some unfortunate cerebral accident. He further profundified that the public seems to dislike measures that "not only disrupt life and wellbeing, but disrupt the economy", Brexit and World War II excepted as always. Since life and wellbeing are apparently independent from the economy, Britain's plebs and peasants should be in no doubt that the path to true contentment lies elsewhere than in those material rewards which all Government ministers must reluctantly accept for themselves.