Dietary Disloyalty

Researchers at the London School of Hygiene and Soon-to-be-European Medicine have discovered that eating habits in the UK are subject to an encouraging degree of structural Britishness. During the very period when Her Majesty's Government has striven for levels of self-isolation, xenophobia and exceptionalist delusion worthy of England under a Conservative administration, an ungrateful public has been stuffing itself with filthy foreign food. Despite the robust yet reasonable cleansing activities of the Ministry for Wog Control, consumption of pineapples, bananas and other migrant fodder has risen at the expense of such boarding-school delicacies as cabbage, carrots and peas. It is to be hoped that wholesome, home-grown fare will soon make a triumphant return to whatever limited and specific national diet remains for us on the sunlit uplands.