Vicious Cycles

As the beastly Euro-wogs continue their inevitable falling-away from the rigorous standards of the mainland, denizens of the Nazi-Soviet empire of Brusso-Strasbourg are beginning to endure the just and awful consequences of cutting themselves off from Westminster. So repressed and persecuted are the motorists of Amsterdam that many of that benighted city's inhabitants have taken to cycling, without even the British Conservative Party's expedient of getting one's chauffeur to follow in the limousine in case one's little fat legs get tired. The cycling swarms are tying their machines to bridge railings, causing congestion in the streets and prompting the city council to put up flower baskets as a deterrent. Self-evidently, such alien and authoritarian measures could never be imposed in the nation that cocked up Operation Market Garden: although many British bridges still have railings despite the Government's fervent enthusiasm for the liberty to endanger others, our own most recent and grandiose attempt to combine civil engineering with horticulture was a typical triumph of Johnsonian efficiency.